Archives

Short Attention Span Classics, Volume 4: Zolani Tete vs. Siboniso Gonya

Oh, hello there. You’ll have to forgive my absence these past couple weeks as I’ve been embroiled in a bit of a legal quagmire. You see, I’ve enlisted the services of local attorney Herb Gonads, to file a suit against the planet of Earth to keep this current lockdown in effect indefinitely, and perhaps for […]

Short Attention Span Classics, Volume 3: Allan Green Vs. Jaidon Codrington

I’ve watched “Harry and The Hendersons” twice this week. Also, hey, how’s it going?  I realize that admitting that out loud basically amounts to giving the “all clear” sign to the SWAT team surrounding my house to kick down the door and haul me off to psycho prison, but before that happens I have some […]

Short Attention Span Classics, Vol. 2: Bernard Hopkins Vs Steve Frank

I have a working theory that the Tiger King thing is a government depopulation program where anyone who watches it has his or her IP address logged and is deemed not only inessential, but completely expendable. Does it seem like a coincidence that it premiered the same week the corona plague washed up on our […]

Short Attention Span Classics, Volume 1: Sechew Powell Vs Cornelius Bundrage I

So you’re trapped indoors without your precious sports to keep you company.  It’s just you, your depression, and the chili-drenched sweatpants that are now permanently grafted onto your legs. The dog ate all the toilet paper and your wife already put a lock on the liquor cabinet. You’ve plowed through all six volumes of Faces […]

The 2020 Boxing Survivor Series

I’m on vacation this week which means my brain is too, so today we’re going to do something so pointless it’ll make my usual rambling parade of unfocused dipshittery look like Voltaire on an Adderall bender. First off, let’s get this out of the way right off the hop: I know nothing about contemporary professional […]

Thinning The Hurd: Jarrett Hurd Wins Lifeless UD Over Francisco Santana

Well, we can’t say he didn’t warn us. After a tough decision loss to Julian Williams last May, Jarret Hurd made sweeping changes to his life, both personal and professional. He moved out of his parents’ house, cut off his signature blonde hair, and hired trainer Kay Koroma, professing a desire to get hit less […]

2010-2019 Unofficial Moment Of The Decade: The Butt Hump

If there’s one overarching sentiment that comprehensively sums up the 2010s it would be spite. Everyone is mad at someone, the planet has taken its rightful revenge on its inhabitants, and there’s a genuine shitposter in the White House. Why bother rooting for something when you can root against everything? And look, I get it. […]

2019 Fight Of The Year: Naoya Inoue Vs Nonito Donaire

If you saw it in a movie you wouldn’t believe it.  A fight with a backstory so romantically improbable that any attempt to regale a non-observer with it would immediately be met with accusations of exaggeration. Hell, I myself can no longer tell where my real memory of this wondrous night in Saitama, Japan ends […]

Best Served Cold: Jermell Charlo Gets Revenge On Tony Harrison

“He earned it. I hate it, but he earned it.” That was a dejected Tony Harrison after his 11th round TKO loss to Jermell Charlo on Saturday night, and despite being the exact thing the judge told my ex upon granting me full custody of our Super Nintendo, this wasn’t Harrison so much squashing a […]

Irish Goodbye: Jermall Charlo Stops Dennis Hogan in Seven

Historically, the only way to tell twins apart was through a complicated series of funhouse mirrors and a 40-part questionnaire designed by ex-Navy SEALs. Lucky for us, the Charlo brothers — Jermell and Jermall — have a more streamlined identification process.  Jermell is the boxer and Jermall is the puncher. Jermell will take you deep […]

The Professional Boxing Likeability Power Rankings

Liking stuff is hard. Even if you didn’t grow up on a steady diet of punk rock and decentralized anarchist propaganda like I did, the human brain’s capacity to enjoy things is finite. One pancake is good. Two are better. Ten is suicide.  And so it goes. The more things there are, the more opportunities […]

The 10 Types Of Boxing Twitter Troll And How To Deal With Them

You have some thoughts. You can no longer be alone with them. They involve boxing, so all of your loved ones abandoned you years ago. What to do? Well, you could go out and make some new friends.  Haha, just kidding! You’re going to die alone in your parents’ basement, just how god intended. Ha, […]

Last Call: Gennadiy Golovkin Survives Sergiy Derevyanchenko, Wins UD

Just because the ball dropped doesn’t mean the party’s over. And let’s be clear, the party most definitely rages on for middleweight star Gennadiy Golovkin, but it’s the part of the night where the soundtrack is a skipping Bongzilla record and all that’s left to drink is peach flavored Boone’s Farm with a garnish of […]

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