Archives

For An Audience Of One: David Benavidez Stops Kyrone Davis In 7

Remember in Wayne’s World when Garth hacks into the mainframe or whatever and reroutes a satellite signal to beam Crucial Taunt’s performance directly into Frankie Sharp’s limousine so that he’ll sign them to Sharp Records and Cassandra will continue porking Wayne? Stay with me here. Now, picture this scene as a metaphor for last night’s […]

One For The Ages: Tyson Fury Stops Deontay Wilder In Classic

There’s a myth in boxing that one can be taught to fight. Sure, you can walk into any gym on earth and a nice man in a beret — most likely named “Chappie” or “The Colonel” — will teach you to jab, parry and skip rope for a nominal fee. But the desire to actually […]

Oleksandr Usyk Bests Anthony Joshua, Wins Unanimous Decision

It’s not easy being a boxing fan. The sporadic, stop-start nature of the schedule allows for long gaps of inaction resulting in waning enthusiasm from a fanbase with notoriously short attention spans. Corruption, controversy and outright criminality make it hard to find a hero in sport that oftentimes feels like it’s run by carnies. Should […]

Ready for Primetime: Tim Tszyu Dismantles Stevie Spark in 3

First off, since we’re all thinking it, I’ll just go ahead and say it; I deserve a ton of credit for not making the headline of this piece “Tim Tszyu Sparks Stevie Spark” or some assbrained variation thereof. That’s big-time, dumbguy normie shit and we simply don’t do that around here. That said, holy shit […]

No Excuses: Vasyl Lomachenko Batters Masayoshi Nakatani, Scores TKO9

I used to have this boss that would turn his phone completely off when he went to bed at night. I know this because about the time his head was hitting the pillow at night mine was typically just beginning. Self-funded research on the limits of human alcohol consumption at one, or all, of Northeast […]

Canelo Alvarez Backs BJ Saunders into a Corner

Let’s talk about quitting for a moment, shall we? Boxing fans, writ large, are all but genetically incapable of nuance. When it comes to the dreaded Q word, however, a bit of it is desperately required. Quitting, or the perception thereof, is tantamount to surrender in boxing, and for an industry built almost entirely on […]

License To Trill

Just a heads up, I’m about to say a whole bunch of stuff that sucks. And not in the way I normally say stuff that sucks. This will not be fun or funny. This will hurt. We might not be friends after this. Hopefully you will find room in your heart for forgiveness and reconciliation […]

Joe Smith Jr. Survives Maxim Vlasov, Wins Majority Decision

Joe Smith Jr. works in construction. Did you guys hear about this?! The boxing media writ large has proven themselves wholly incapable of discussing Smith without mentioning it. You won’t read an article about the Long Island light heavyweight that doesn’t include the word “jackhammered” or “lunch pail” somewhere in the headline. Right now someone […]

Artur Beterbiev Punches the Clock, Stops Adam Dienes in 10

Let’s start off with a quick math problem. What’s sixteen divided by eight? Take your time. If you came up with two, congratulations, your relationship with your Alexa is in a good place.  So what’s the significance of those numbers? Besides highlighting the fact that you went to public school, they represent the average number […]

All Growns Up: Vergil Ortiz Jr. Stops Maurice Hooker In 7th

What were you doing when you were 22? I was living in what was ostensibly a crackhouse with two of my best friends just outside of Minneapolis. We had no running water and survived mainly on dollar store beer and the charity of friends who worked in restaurants. Bands practiced in the basement where an […]

Gatekeepers and Journeymen: Otto Wallin UD12 Dominic Breazeale

EXTRA! EXTRA! The big, dopey heavyweights are back! Man do I love me a good, jiggly-titted heavyweight slap-fest. Dudes who look like your middle school gym teacher, or your dad’s friend Rick, just throwing slow-motion bombs without a care in the world beyond wrapping things up before Arby’s closes. The kind where guys hike their […]

2020 Fight Of The Year: Jose Zepeda KO5 Ivan Baranchyk

One of the joys of a global pandemic — and the ensuing isolation that accompanies it — is the feeling of being completely untethered from time. Events that occurred last night may as well have taken place in the Mesozoic era. I have no clue when my last birthday was. Who is president now? Is […]

Horseplay: Errol Spence Jr. Outworks Danny Garcia, Wins UD12

Errol Spence loves horses. Apparently, that’s his thing now. That’s fine. I suppose it’s a natural progression to make once you can no longer be trusted around automobiles. It’s not weird to like horses, I suppose. I mean, depending on what it is you’re doing with, or to, them. Horses are cool, don’t get me […]

Wack Friday: Daniel Jacobs Ekes By Gabe Rosado in a Dreadful Affair

First off, before we get started, we’re not even going to bother discussing this fight. It was a sentient Ambien overdose that future generations will show to their children to combat night terrors. Secondly, in the spirit of full transparency, I feel obligated to inform you that I’m typing this on Hunter Biden’s laptop. I […]

BOO! Naoya Inoue Ghosts Jason Moloney In Seven

First off, before we even get started, Naoya Inoue fought on Halloween night and I didn’t use “Monster Mash” or any variation thereof in the headline of this piece. It’s a nearly pornographic display of willpower that future religions will base their scriptures on.  While I appreciate the sentiment, your gaping jaws and undying servitude […]

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