Archives

Judge Not: Yordenis Ugas Wins Split (!?) Decision Over Abel Ramos

Scoring a fight isn’t easy. Boxing is an ugly, fast-paced sport with constantly-changing angles. It’s loud, bloody and emotional. Thousands of micro-events take place, in rapid succession, that greatly factor into the outcome of a given round. You’d be forgiven for not catching them all. No sir, scoring a fight is not easy. Here’s the […]

And Water is Wet: Erislandy Lara Wins Lackluster UD12 Over Greg Vendetti

Why do I keep doing this to myself? Besides the manifestly obvious fact that I well and truly despise who I am as a person, I can’t, for the life of me, understand this predilection for blatant self-sabotage.  Allow me to briefly pull back the curtain on how these articles get made. Yes, it’s more […]

Joe Smith Jr. Goes Full Joe Smith Jr., Stops Eleider Alvarez In Nine

Did you ever play Dungeons and Dragons as a kid? For the sake of your future sex life, please don’t answer out loud if you did. If not, try and picture the 10-sided dice used by those nerds. Now, on each face of the die, write a short description of every conceivable outcome you could […]

Jose Pedraza Easily Handles Mikkel LesPierre, Wins UD

Boxing is back, baby! Or something vaguely resembling it, I guess. I’m sure it was every young fighters’ dream to one day find themselves in the glamorous confines of an empty, hermetically sealed broom closet like “The Bubble” at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas, but to do it with roughly the population of Ames, […]

Please Kill Me: A Comprehensive Review of Adrien Broner’s New Album ABC

First off, I’m fine. My family is safe and all outstanding gambling debts have been settled with the appropriate parties. I’m doing this of sound mind and my own free will. I realize I just declared myself competent to stand trial should any homicidal crime spree result from this, but it’s a price I’m willing […]

Short Attention Span Classics, Volume 4: Zolani Tete vs. Siboniso Gonya

Oh, hello there. You’ll have to forgive my absence these past couple weeks as I’ve been embroiled in a bit of a legal quagmire. You see, I’ve enlisted the services of local attorney Herb Gonads, to file a suit against the planet of Earth to keep this current lockdown in effect indefinitely, and perhaps for […]

Short Attention Span Classics, Volume 3: Allan Green Vs. Jaidon Codrington

I’ve watched “Harry and The Hendersons” twice this week. Also, hey, how’s it going?  I realize that admitting that out loud basically amounts to giving the “all clear” sign to the SWAT team surrounding my house to kick down the door and haul me off to psycho prison, but before that happens I have some […]

Short Attention Span Classics, Vol. 2: Bernard Hopkins Vs Steve Frank

I have a working theory that the Tiger King thing is a government depopulation program where anyone who watches it has his or her IP address logged and is deemed not only inessential, but completely expendable. Does it seem like a coincidence that it premiered the same week the corona plague washed up on our […]

Short Attention Span Classics, Volume 1: Sechew Powell Vs Cornelius Bundrage I

So you’re trapped indoors without your precious sports to keep you company.  It’s just you, your depression, and the chili-drenched sweatpants that are now permanently grafted onto your legs. The dog ate all the toilet paper and your wife already put a lock on the liquor cabinet. You’ve plowed through all six volumes of Faces […]

The 2020 Boxing Survivor Series

I’m on vacation this week which means my brain is too, so today we’re going to do something so pointless it’ll make my usual rambling parade of unfocused dipshittery look like Voltaire on an Adderall bender. First off, let’s get this out of the way right off the hop: I know nothing about contemporary professional […]

Thinning The Hurd: Jarrett Hurd Wins Lifeless UD Over Francisco Santana

Well, we can’t say he didn’t warn us. After a tough decision loss to Julian Williams last May, Jarret Hurd made sweeping changes to his life, both personal and professional. He moved out of his parents’ house, cut off his signature blonde hair, and hired trainer Kay Koroma, professing a desire to get hit less […]

2010-2019 Unofficial Moment Of The Decade: The Butt Hump

If there’s one overarching sentiment that comprehensively sums up the 2010s it would be spite. Everyone is mad at someone, the planet has taken its rightful revenge on its inhabitants, and there’s a genuine shitposter in the White House. Why bother rooting for something when you can root against everything? And look, I get it. […]

2019 Fight Of The Year: Naoya Inoue Vs Nonito Donaire

If you saw it in a movie you wouldn’t believe it.  A fight with a backstory so romantically improbable that any attempt to regale a non-observer with it would immediately be met with accusations of exaggeration. Hell, I myself can no longer tell where my real memory of this wondrous night in Saitama, Japan ends […]

Best Served Cold: Jermell Charlo Gets Revenge On Tony Harrison

“He earned it. I hate it, but he earned it.” That was a dejected Tony Harrison after his 11th round TKO loss to Jermell Charlo on Saturday night, and despite being the exact thing the judge told my ex upon granting me full custody of our Super Nintendo, this wasn’t Harrison so much squashing a […]

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