dumpsterfire

Calling the Cleveland Browns a dumpster fire is offensive to dumpster fires

Once again, the Cleveland Browns are consigned to “rebuilding mode” before the blueprints were even finished for the previous rebuild, and the one before that, and the one before that, and the one bef… who knows, we’ve all lost count by now.

The Browns announced the firings of head coach Mike Pettine and general manager Ray Farmer Sunday night after their Week 17 home loss to the Pittsburgh Steelers, not even waiting for Black Monday to make it official:

It was important to us that we communicate directly with you regarding our decision to part ways with General Manager Ray Farmer and Head Coach Mike Pettine.  We greatly appreciate Ray’s and Mike’s dedication and hard work while with the Cleveland Browns. We’ve made this difficult decision because we don’t believe our football team and football operations were positioned well for the future. 

You can say that again.

Pettine’s tenure in Cleveland actually started on a high note (relatively speaking) with a 7-9 campaign last season before crashing back to reality with a 3-13 record in 2015.  His .313 winning percentage equaled that of Eric Mangini and bested both Pat Shurmur and Rob Chudzinski, so at least he can take home some bragging rights there.  Somehow, Romeo Crennel’s 24-40 record is still the high-water mark for a Browns coach the last decade.  No Browns coach since Crennel has lasted more than two seasons.

CLEVELAND, OH - OCTOBER 12:  Head coach Mike Pettine of the Cleveland Browns talks with general manager Ray Farmer (L) and owner Jimmy Haslam during warmups prior to the game against the Pittsburgh Steelers and at FirstEnergy Stadium on October 12, 2014 in Cleveland, Ohio.  (Photo by Jason Miller/Getty Images)

CLEVELAND, OH – OCTOBER 12: Head coach Mike Pettine of the Cleveland Browns talks with general manager Ray Farmer (L) and owner Jimmy Haslam during warmups prior to the game against the Pittsburgh Steelers and at FirstEnergy Stadium on October 12, 2014 in Cleveland, Ohio. (Photo by Jason Miller/Getty Images)

At least we’ll remember the Farmer-Pettine regime for losing with some intrigue, given the Johnny Manziel melodrama and the texting suspension.  This statistic should help to put it all in perspective.

Speaking of Manziel, his time in Cleveland appears to mercifully be drawing to an end.  He reportedly wants to move on to Dallas (good luck with that) and also missed a mandatory check-in with the team this morning.  There are even more rumors out there about his troubled personal life on top of that and we may not even be able to locate him at this point.

If Manziel’s time in Cleveland is done, so the Justin Gilbert era should draw to a close as well.  The fellow former first round pick, a certified bust at cornerback, reportedly refused to play in today’s finale.

So what’s owner Jimmy Haslam’s plan to turn around this sinking ship?  He’s already announced plans to hand over the keys to the franchise to Sashi Brown as new VP of Football Operations and will take the unorthodox step of hiring a new coach before his general manager.  While Brown has worked with the salary cap and is apparently high on analytics, his experience in putting together a roster, is… limited.  Haslam repeatedly said at a press conference that Brown will be in charge of the 53 man roster, which makes a lot of sense considering his vast experience as owner of the Bohemian Caverns Jazz Club.

The Browns have already put themselves at a massive disadvantage in searching for a new coach and GM by already committing to this unusual restructuring.  Who in their right mind would sign up for ANY job with the Browns?

Well, at least they have one person who will accept the job…

You laugh, but I’d give the Browns a 12% chance of hiring Leary and Costner for their vacancies because Jimmy Haslam saw Draft Day in theaters and thought it was real.

Matt Yoder

About Matt Yoder

Managing Editor of Awful Announcing and award winning sportswriter. Comeback Media consigliere. The biggest cat in the whole wide world.

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