The 2016 Summer Olympics kick off Friday night in Rio with the official Opening Ceremonies. Technically, the Olympics have already started with the soccer tournaments underway, but who’s really counting, right?
With the Olympics upon us, we’ve done what we’re obligated to do as professional sports bloggers: arbitrarily rank things.
After hours and hours of painstaking, meticulous research and weighing every possible angle (aka, reading some Wikipedia articles and watching some YouTube videos) we have tabulated the official ranking of every Olympic sport from #39 to #1. The rankings are based on a few factors like their overall importance to the Olympics (how much of a chance is there that Bob Costas will talk about it?), their uniqueness to the Olympics (is it the most important event in that sport?), and their entertainment value.
Light the torch! Here we go…
39) Marathon Swimming
Beginning at the 2008 Olympics, marathon swimming consists of a men’s and women’s 10km race in open water. Both races were won in a little under two hours. That sounds like a long commitment for a movie, let alone watching people swim… and swim… and swim.
38) Rhythmic Gymnastics
No offense to people who are ardent champions of rhythmic gymnastics, a sport which takes a lot of skill and athleticism. But (and here comes the offensive part), something primarily done as a supplement to a marching band performance means you’re way down the list of Olympic sports.
37) Cycling (Road)
The Olympic Road Cycling event encounters the same problem that a few others on this list do: it’s not the most important competition in that sport. Cycling has seen a real dip in popularity after the Lance Armstrong mess and having just come off the Tour de France, this event is way off the radar. It feels like eating the appetizer after the main course.
36) Triathlon
Triathlon combines some pretty prominent Olympic disciplines (running, cycling, swimming), but it’s overshadowed by all three as an event. Then when you consider the length of the competition, it’s never going to get extensive live or primetime coverage.
35) Cycling (Mountain Bike)
One of the four cycling sports at the Olympics, mountain biking doesn’t have the tradition (being created in 1996) or the prestige to be considered one of the top sports in Rio. However, if we could get this announcer to do a highlights package, we’ll move it 10 spots up the list.
34) Equestrian
Although it has a lengthy history at the Summer Games, equestrian isn’t exactly the most accessible sport for your average Olympic watcher or sports fan. The cross-country event is pretty cool, but we have to say that it’s time for Polo to make a comeback at the Olympics. The Sport of Kings was last played at the Olympics in Berlin 1936.
33) Shooting
Rifle and pistol shooting might be something to brag about being good at if you’re living in the wild, wild west, but it’s not something that has widespread appeal. I’ve yet to meet someone who’s said, “Man, I’ve got to get home so I can watch the Olympic rifle competition on my DVR!”
32) Boxing
I’m a fan of boxing. I really am. Even though we’ve seen it disappear as a major sport and boxing lets us down time and time again, there are few things that put you on the edge of your seat like a huge title fight. That said, Olympic boxing rules have been a huge source of controversy over the years. This year, boxers will be stripped of their headgear on the men’s side and the familiar 10-point must system will be used. However, there’s also been controversy over the prospect of professionals fighting less-developed amateurs. Boxing? Controversy? Who would’ve thunk it!
31) Sailing
Olympic sailing is one of those things that’s just kind of there. There’s not really anything good or bad you can say about it. It just exists. Kind of like Subway. Sailing is the Subway of the Olympics. Why am I hungry all of a sudden?
30) Tennis
There’s absolutely no novelty factor when it comes to the Olympic tennis competition. Yes, it’s interesting to see the world’s best play for a gold medal. However, much like Olympic golf (more on that in a bit), this event is far from the most significant on the calendar for the majority of the athletes competing.
https://youtu.be/u_zJg0d7xc8
29) Hockey (Field)
Field hockey is a bit like ice hockey except for fewer highlight plays, fewer dynamic displays of athleticism and physicality (field hockey doesn’t allow for hitting or even playing the ball with both sides of your stick), and fewer fans. So… yea! Field hockey!
28) Synchronized Swimming
A fun novelty sport that you won’t see at any other time during the sports calendar, but not likely one of those things that’s going to get a ton of prominent coverage. If the Olympics really want to reach the average American viewer and expand their audience, they’ll replace synchronized swimming with Olympic Dancing with the Stars. Let Helio Castroneves win that gold medal for Brazil.
27) Canoe Sprint
26) Canoe Slalom
25) Rowing
It might be a little stereotypical to lump all these sports together, but here we are. Canoeing and kayaking can be great fun as recreational activities… but Olympic sports? The slalom events get the slight nod here because there are, you know, turns. Rowing gets an even bigger slight nod, if only because it has more historical significance at the Games.
24) Weightlifting
Weightlifting is one of those sports that you find flipping through the channels on some random station at some random time and stop for 15 minutes just so you can see the faces of these Herculean athletes lifting incredible amounts of tonnage. Nevertheless, once you’ve seen one person lift a barbell, you’ve pretty much seen it all. The weightlifting competition would be much more exciting if they added some variety – like pulling an airplane or something.
https://youtu.be/oXh1AJVZn3A
23) Judo
22) Taekwando
Quick – what’s the difference between Judo and Taekwando? Seriously. Please help me with this because I have no idea. All I know is it’s fun to watch people throw and kick people, and that Ronda Rousey medaled in Judo at the 2008 Olympics, so you know these are some legitimately tough athletes.
21) Archery
Archery gets much higher ratings than shooting from the entertainment/interest standpoint because you can actually see the arrow hit the target. Plus, there’s something that’s more compelling about the old-school discipline that connects us to the middle ages. (Let’s hope that’s the only thing from this year’s Olympics which connects us to a time when the black plague was running amok.)
20) Diving
Diving has had its fair share of high points over the years, but it does suffer somewhat from being the little brother to the swimming competitions held at the Olympics. Still though, watching the high dive competition and seeing some of the insane feats of the athletes can be one of the most awe-inspiring competitions of the games.
19) Badminton
Part of me feels guilty for ranking badminton this low because it can feature some pretty wicked action. However, its overall importance to the games and lack of a real primetime presence has seen it fall down the list this far. When it comes to the closing ceremony montage, badminton isn’t likely to be featured prominently. If only it had its own “One Shining Moment,” maybe it could get some increased popularity.
18) Trampoline Gymnastics
One word: TRA-MA-PO-LINE!
Seriously though, you don’t even have to watch trampoline gymnastics to know it’s awesome. It’s people doing tricks jumping crazy-high on trampolines. That’s all you need to know.
17) Beach Volleyball
This might be a little low for a sport that has seen increasing popularity over the years, thanks to athletes like Misty May and Kerri Walsh. But from an overall entertainment perspective, I think the team version rates a little higher.
16) Golf
In four years, golf will probably plummet down this list into road cycling and tennis territory because some of the world’s top golfers are treating it like a joke. Like tennis, it’s always going to be the fifth-most important event in a given year at best. This year though, the novelty of seeing the best golfers in the world represent their country and play for a gold medal for the first time in our lifetimes gives it a significant boost… even if many are missing because of Zika.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qKJhpACyPdk
15) Water Polo
Water polo is one of those sports that you love seeing during the Olympics and then forget about for four years. One of the great, unconventional combinations in sports we’ve seen in the last several years is the great Doc Emrick announcing Olympic water polo.
14) Fencing
We have to settle for fencing since the Olympics probably frowns on real, live Game of Thrones-like sword fighting that could result in some serious injuries and casualties. Still though, we’ll take it as an acceptable substitute.
https://youtu.be/7crd_pkJux8
13) Cycling (BMX)
For the purists out there, this might represent the regrettable trend of the Olympics slowly morphing into the X Games. However, BMX Cycling is pretty awesome. Just watch the coordinated mayhem that was the gold medal heat in 2012.
12) Cycling (Track)
Have you ever seen short track cycling? It’s basically speed skating meets Hot Wheels.
11) Football (Soccer)
This is probably too high for the soccer tournament, which on both men’s and women’s sides ranks behind the importance of the World Cup. In fact, the men’s tournament is a U-23 competition, so as to not take away too much gusto from the FIFA event. It’s really the importance of the women’s tournament, as their second quadrennial international showcase, that gets soccer rated this highly. Who could forget the classic USA-Canada game four years ago?
10) Modern Pentathlon
We couldn’t leave Modern Pentathlon out of the Top 10, not because it’s hugely popular or a major television attraction, but because it’s just so absurdly unique. The “modern” in Modern Pentathlon actually goes back to 1912 and consists of fencing, swimming, show jumping, pistol shooting, and cross-country running. It was modeled after the pentathlon of the ancient Greeks and was designed to reflect the skills of a 19th century cavalry soldier. Sooo… it’s not exactly something where kids today will grow up dreaming of winning a gold medal in 2016.
Modern Pentathlon has long been under threat as an Olympic sport because, well, it’s more fitting for the 19th century. Our solution? Let’s make it a bit more exciting and relevant and make it the ULTRA-Modern Pentathlon. Our five sports? Mixed Martial Arts, Timbersports, Vert Skateboarding, eSports, and Pokemon Go. You’re welcome, IOC.
9) Table Tennis
Table tennis. Ping pong. Played at its highest level, it’s one of the most mesmerizing sports you can witness. If eSports can make it big on ESPN, then why can’t ping pong? We haven’t had a great table tennis star since the days of Forrest Gump.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F9yiCuX1hV8
8) Wrestling
One of the classic Olympic sports, athletes like Rulon Gardner and Kurt Angle have been made into household names thanks to their success at the Games. Another one of the original ancient events, we can’t help but think it could be helped out just a little bit more if tables, ladders, and chairs were also involved.
7) Volleyball
Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer the team indoor game to the version that’s played on the beach. The athleticism, speed, and jumping ability of these athletes is insane and there’s more overall action and swings of momentum in a game than in the beach version. And while stars like Misty May and Kerri Walsh have been stars on the beach, the USA men and women have won gold, silver, and bronze at the last two Olympics in the indoor version.
https://youtu.be/CnGt74gJc7U
6) Handball
If there’s one Summer Olympics sport I wish had a bigger presence on television and in America in general, it is by far handball. It’s a lot of fun to watch, even if you have no idea what’s going on. The sport is basically people running, jumping, dribbling, and throwing a ball into a net. How American is that! Join in the handball movement this summer, America. Let’s make handball to the Summer Olympics what curling is to the Winter Olympics.
5) Rugby Sevens
The newest Olympic event sees one of the world’s most popular sports come to the Olympic stage for the first time since 1924. Rugby sevens is much faster than the more renowned 15-a-side game and features a more level playing field with nations like the United States and Fiji competing with traditional powers like New Zealand, South Africa, and Australia. This has the potential to be the premier singular event for Rugby Sevens alongside the Sevens World Series. And it could help grow the game of rugby (both sevens and maybe eventually 15s) around the world.
4) Artistic Gymnastics
The gymnastics competition is always a primetime favorite because of all the drama and narratives that seem to emerge throughout the Games. From Kerri Strug to Mary Lou Retton to the Magnificent Seven to Gabby Douglas, some of the Olympics’ biggest stars always shine at these events.
3) Basketball
The Olympic basketball tournament is still a headliner, even if several of the game’s top stars are sitting out this year’s Games in Rio. Maybe it’s the romanticism of the Original Dream Team, but there is still something special about seeing the NBA’s best wear the Red, White, and Blue. And considering how the USA has had to come back after being toppled earlier this century, winning the gold medal has more significance than maybe it once did.
2) Swimming
Especially in recent years, thanks to Americans always being at the forefront and Michael Phelps setting some of the most iconic all-time records in sports, swimming has emerged as maybe the most exciting Olympic sport during the Games. The men’s 4×100 freestyle relay in 2008 may be the most thrilling single Olympic event of our lifetimes.
1) Athletics
Track and field is the most important, the most significant, and the purest Olympic sport. Who’s the fastest, who can jump the highest and the longest, who can throw things the furthest. These are questions that human beings are always going to try to answer. There’s a reason why these events have endured since the ancient Greek Olympics of 776 BC. Even racewalking… well, maybe not racewalking.
