The MMA Ten keeps you up to date on the latest news from the world of the UFC and beyond. Read it and you’ll feel like a hipster who just bought a fresh skullcap.
Ronda Rousey Hosts SNL
Former UFC women’s bantamweight champion Ronda Rousey hosted SNL over the weekend. She seemed a bit nervous at first, but her first line was a winner. “I’m so excited to be here, because it’s the first time I’ll be live on television without being punched in the face.” The monologue was sore-thumby, by which I mean not very funny and sort of clumsy. Like this paragraph. She was joined on stage by fake Justin Bieber and real Selena Gomez.
In the skits, Rousey beat up a school bully, was a contestant on a lame parody of “The Bachelor,” played an X-Men-like superhero on “The Super Crew,” and a teacher on trial for inappropriately touching a student. Overall, Rousey was decent, but the material was a big swing and a miss.
Jose Aldo Totes Would Have Won, You Guys
Conor McGregor may have needed just one punch to defeat long-time UFC featherweight champion Jose Aldo back at UFC 189, but Aldo wants to paint you a different picture. A picture that says, “I’m in major denial.”
“The fight was one punch only. My punch barely hit but cut him. Imagine if it connected completely, it would have ripped his head off,” Aldo said.
I can completely relate to this. In 2nd grade, Wallace Brant was making fun of both my weight and corduroy pants, so I decided to give him a little ‘what for.’ I didn’t want to completely annihilate him with my full power, so I threw a quick jab that almost moved his head back. He laughed, then threw a left hook that darn near shattered my temple. I hit the deck seeing double. But I know — we all know — that had I had thrown the first punch harder, I totally would have won. Just like Jose.
The MMA Sure Seems Like Fun Picture of the Week
That’s UFC fighter Matt Mitrione, who took one too many eye pokes from Travis Browne at UFC Fight Night last week. (Photo: Matt Mitrione/Twitter)
Everybody Hurts: UFC 196 is Crumbling
http://gty.im/175068607
The new theme song for UFC 196: “Everybody Hurts” by R.E.M. Cain Velasquez backed out with a back injury, so the UFC replaced him with Stipe Miocic, who was to get his first title shot. But then Fabricio Werdum also claimed he was injured, so he withdrew. Jon Jones says he’ll fight Miocic — if it’s for the title. No chance of that happening, as fun as it may sound. Cain posted about his back injury on social media: “I can’t ignore this injury, as my doctor has indicated that not addressing the problems with my sciatic nerve could have longer-term consequences.” Cain then said, “Now off to my couch to crush this bag of Doritos and see what this “Making a Murderer” is all about! Back injuries FTW!”
Dude Gets Epic Bruce Buffer Tattoo
Some dude got an insane tat of UFC announcer Bruce Buffer. And that’s all I have to say about that.
Cris Cyborg Zings Ronda Rousey
Cris Cyborg watched Ronda Rousey on SNL, and she wasn’t all that impressed.
Watching #SNL and it looks like @rondarousey still needs help on her standup — Cris Cyborg (@criscyborg) January 24, 2016
Solid burn. But my dollar to your dime that if Rousey and Cyborg ever meet in the cage, Cyborg leaves with a broken arm.
MMA Twitter Beef of the Week
Khabib Nurmagomedov didn’t like who Tony Ferguson decided to fight next, so he called him out on Twitter. Then this happened, and it’s glorious:
Here’s How to Defend a Guillotine Choke
Biao Zhou vs. Da Fen Tang full KO sequence. Early knockout of the year contender. pic.twitter.com/Wjd0f4vhwF
— caposa (@GrabakaHitman) January 23, 2016
Don’t try this at home. But if you do, record it and send it to us. Thanks in advance.
Don’t Miss Fight of the Week
You’ll definitely want to tune in Saturday night for the UFC on FOX if for nothing more than to see Anthony “Rumble” Johnson take on Ryan “Darth” Bader. Johnson is widely regarded as the most dangerous power-puncher in the game, routinely rearranging faces and breaking jaws. Don’t miss it. You heard me.
Your Kid is Lame in Comparison Gif of the Week
Your kid can do that…on a video game.
