Monday evening, Tom Campbell decided to unleash a tweet on the college football world that caused everyone to drop what they were doing and immediately become experts in primate ownership.

I’m hearing a report from a credible source that Texas Longhorns Special Teams Coach Jeff Banks’ monkey allegedly attacked and seriously hurt a young Trick-or-Treater last night on Halloween,” said Campbell. “The monkey’s jaws apparently had to be pried off the small child.”

You have our attention.

Along with establishing whether or not this was real, it was first established that, yes, Banks has a girlfriend, a stripper (who goes professionally by the name Pole Assassin) who has a pet monkey that is also part of her act.

It was then confirmed that the girlfriend had indeed invited kids to come over and visit a haunted house/maze on the property between 7:00 and 9:30 p.m., with adults being allowed to stick around until 11:00 p.m.

It was around this time that Danielle made the mistake of tweeting through it. She began by launching right into her defense, which was not to deny that the monkey attack happened but to explain why the monkey attack may have been justified!



And that’s when she even went to the length to post a narrated video (since deleted) explaining why her monkey was within its rights to attack the offending child.

She even went as far as to respond to people on Twitter to set the record straight.

And, now that she and her monkey were Twitter’s main characters, everyone got involved as well.


We’re guessing that by the time you read this, the #MonkeyGate story has developed even further. We’re all just happy to be on this journey with you and good luck to Jeff Banks on his future endeavors.

And just to make sure we’re all clear, here’s where we ended up as of the time of this posting:

[Tom Campbell]

About Sean Keeley

Along with writing for Awful Announcing and The Comeback, Sean is the Editorial Strategy Director for Comeback Media. Previously, he created the Syracuse blog Troy Nunes Is An Absolute Magician and wrote 'How To Grow An Orange: The Right Way to Brainwash Your Child Into Rooting for Syracuse.' He has also written non-Syracuse-related things for SB Nation, Curbed, and other outlets. He currently lives in Seattle where he is complaining about bagels. Send tips/comments/complaints to sean@thecomeback.com.