The movie industry has hit block bottom.
The upcoming unnamed Tetris film (yes, a film about Tetris is in production) is reportedly not going to be a single film, but a trilogy. Yes, we’re getting three films about the popular arcade and Gameboy puzzle game.
The film is apparently so massive that it had be turned into three films.
“…and purely because the story we conceived is so big,” Tetris helmer Larry Kasanoff told Empire Online.” “This isn’t us splitting the last one of our eight movies in two to wring blood out of the stone. It’s just a big story.”
So what’s the film going to be about? Well, it’s apparently a big science-fiction movie.
“We want the story to be a surprise, but it’s a big science-fiction movie,” Kasanoff reveals. “I came up with the idea as I was thinking about Tetris and the theme of creating order out of chaos.”
There’s no storyline in Tetris, no characters and no plot to be seen, so I have no idea how they’re going to blend it into a coherent film, let alone three of them. Kasanoff said the film won’t be about blocks running around with feet, so your guess is as good as mine.
Who sees this and thinks “WHAT A GREAT FILM IDEA!”
Kasanoff’s resume doesn’t inspire confidence, as he produced another video game franchise, 1995’s Mortal Kombat, which was a bloody mess – and not in a good way (editor’s note: but the theme music is AWESOME!). Have we learned nothing from shitty adaptations of games?
Literally, there have been none (Wreck it Ralph doesn’t count) that are remotely watchable. Between Tomb Raider, Silent Hill, Double Dragon, and Super Mario Bros, enough with this crap. There’s no way a Tetris movie can be good, especially since it’s being rushed into production and Kasanoff is in charge.
Is there an audience for a Tetris film? I can’t imagine, because it’s going to be about freaking Tetris. Literally, the only thing it has going for it is Tetris’ catchy theme song, which I’m sure they’ll somehow ruin (perhaps it’ll be remixed by Fall Out Boy). What an incredibly dumb idea.