Pop CultureBy Tim Ryan on

Sports and fashion are two worlds that currently embrace one another with the unbridled passion of Allen Iverson and TGI Fridays. They go hand in hand. It works for the player, it works for the brands, and it even works for the fans.

What true naturals like Clyde Frazier once thought was simply “lookin’ smooth” has turned into a giant publicity spectacle, which often leads to various endorsements from brands looking to move that all-important needle. And that’s when things inevitably snowball into an attention-forced feel, like Paul George dressing up like a fashion-forward matador or LeBron James taking his style cues from an especially edgy Cat Woman.

LeBron James channels Cat Woman

But then there’s all of those reliable fans, who — while always clamoring for the camera — never bow to the whims of what’s wanted or expected from highbrow fashionistas. What they do bring is a unique, expressive element of their own choosing, and one that usually coincides with just how bad or good their team is performing.

And that — coupled with athletes, media personalities, and even spirited mascots — is what this very space is here to embrace.

*****

P.K. Subban

We start off on a great note this week thanks to Montreal Canadiens defenseman, P.K. Subban, who put just about every costume designer from 1970s cinema to shame, along with the entire cast of Harlem Nights. This is the real deal, and Subban expertly sells the mystique and aura like a seasoned showman.

Helpful Hint: Replace Pierre McGuire with Mike Milligan from Fargo and we have the most charismatic duo since Hogan and Savage.

Mike Milligan from Fargo

*****

Clyde Frazier

While some people might be inclined to say Clyde Frazier goes too far over the top on a nearly consistent basis, it’s difficult to criticize someone who appears so comfortable and content in some of the world’s most eye-popping garments. Having said that, I must admit Clyde’s jacket could easily be mistaken for some of the finest, tragically dated curtains in all of Del Boca Vista.

Helpful Hint: Save this spirited getup for the annual Easter egg hunt. The kids will FREAK out. In a good way, of course.

*****

Russell Westbrook

https://twitter.com/world_wide_wob/status/684908641615392768

Russell Westbrook looks like he’s being introduced as a mysterious, mischievous WWE manager who’s about to introduce an extremely imposing client that plans on turning the entire wrestling world on its collective head.

Helpful Hint: Ask the NBA to schedule all Thunder games around Monday Night Raw. Vincent K. McMahon needs your charisma. Badly.

*****

Danny Kanell

Danny Kanell Turtleneck Tom Brady Bond villain

As you may possibly already know by now, Danny Kanell decided to wear a robust turtleneck on Saturday during ESPN’s bowl game coverage and as things like this usually go, he was mocked eternally on Twitter for the look. I’ve never received so many texts about someone’s turtleneck — or any article of clothing, for that matter — in my entire life. In short, it was straight up awful. The turtleneck itself seems far too explosive and over-sized for Kanell’s neck, to the point it’s starting to take command of his jacket.

Helpful Hint: If you’re gonna go for the “Bond Villain” look like Tom Brady so often does, you must sell the look with ferocity and confidence. In other words, don’t ever try this again. But at least Danny took all the mockery in stride.

Uh … yeeeeeeah. Superb Mitch Albom zinger circa 2008. Lighten up, Francis.

*****

Colts Fans

If you are over the age of 12 and opt to wear a coach’s headset to the big game, make sure the person standing next to you is a close friend or family member; an unwavering, extremely loyal one.

Helpful Hint: Give that person a big hug for their willingness to take a picture with you.

*****

Chris Mannix

Fun Fact: Chris Mannix uses Princess Vespa’s industrial strength blow-dryer right before going on live TV.

Helpful Hint: Take setting off “wild wind tunnel.”

*****

Steph Curry

If it were up to me, Steph Curry would be wearing some kind of championship belt everywhere he went, including the basketball court. I have doubt in my mind he could still put up a 25-point quarter with Rockhold’s belt wrapped around his waist.

Helpful Hint: Come on, now. No one is in a position to offer any kind of advice to Steph Curry. That is, of course, until the Spurs beat the Warriors in the Western Conference Finals. Then it’s open season.

*****

Carmelo Anthony

https://twitter.com/abe_squad/status/683412435739500544

‘Melo wearing a fashionable top hat and playing as ‘Melo in a video game makes for a good summation of the state of the sports world in 2016.

Helpful Hint: Work on that jumper. Your actual jumper. Because your field goal percentage is the worst it’s been since, well, ever.

*****

Mark Richt

It’s the perfect tie for the new head coach of the Miami Hurricanes to be wearing, but Mark Richt’s immature eagerness to play paper football at all times completely ruins the spiffy feel.

Helpful Hint: Actually, keep up the good work. Al Golden would’ve been swimming into the first row of reporters in a river of sweat.

*****

Dexter Manley

Dexter Manley very LOUD suit

Did You Know? Dexter Manley played for the Redskins. I know, I didn’t pick up on that nugget either until I looked it up. Good lord. Would it have killed the guy to at least wear a maroon jacket instead?

Helpful Hint: Unless you’ve been tasked with introducing the Redskins marching band, turn down the volume. You look less like a football analyst and more like Santa’s security guard.

*****

Browns Fans

This is beautiful and sad and accidentally artistic. Of course it’s accidental. Anything positive as it relates to this franchise — ownership, fans, and players alike — is almost always accidental. Serious question: Should children even be allowed to attend Browns games at this point?

Helpful Hint: Move.

*****

Chris Berman

Chris Berman every color in the world tie

Chris Berman appears to already be asking that we cut the crap, but it’s way too early to do that. So request for halt aside, if his desire was to wear a tie that represented a piece of each and every one of Bill Walton’s Grateful Dead-themed headbands, consider the mission accomplished with flying, acid-induced colors.

Helpful Hint: If that tie just “happened” to be fed to a paper shredder, I can guarantee not one person in Bristol would voice a complaint.

*****

Cowboys Fans

Some of the best sports fashion around is when you own a customized, official team jersey of a player who does not play for the team. My Joe Montana No. 16 Jaguars jersey is one of my most prized possessions.

Helpful Hint: Switch to water.

*****

Michael Irvin

Michael Irvin patterns everywhere

Simply put, three different patterns divided against themselves, cannot stand. That’s a very fashionable tie Michael Irvin’s wearing right there and it’s completely ruined by the street grid patterned jacket and pinstriped shirt. And no, the swimmer’s squeegee residing in his pocket isn’t helping matters much either.

Helpful Hint: Pick one color from the tie — preferably one of the more muted tones — and make that the one color of the jacket. And said tie does all the necessary driving for a plain shirt to be more than suitable. Now please, get a hold of yourself, Michael.

*****

Ryan Clark

Ryan Clark lookin sharp

See how Ryan Clark has a pattern going on with his button-down, but it’s complemented by a solid-colored jacket and tie? That’s how it’s done, my friends. You’re not being asking to spell Doug Mientkiewicz without Googling. You’re being asked to appear as though you house two eyeballs and a mirror.

Helpful Hint: Become ESPN’s official fashion guru and serve as the final stop-gap before anyone goes live on TV.

*****

Bills Fans

Simply unbelievable. But I see nothing wrong with a making a bold, though perhaps unsafe fashion statement.

Directly below is a great example of exactly what I mean. Your wrestling moves and horrific Zubaz are going to be sorely missed. Stay strong, #BillsMafia.

Helpful Hint: Keep being Bills fans until the end of time, Bills fans. It’s a beautiful surprise each and every week of the NFL season. And just think, if you made the playoffs we could do this kind of thing more often.

*****

Cam Newton’s Feet

If Cam really thought this one through, he would’ve taken the Carolina Panthers carpet into consideration. Colossal fail and quite blinding, too. As for the shoes themselves, my only guess for the inspiration of the design is “Stormtroopers melting under the sun.”

Helpful Hint: Please do us a favor and ask Herm Edwards for his opinion on these shoes. Would pay good money to hear that rant.

*****

Colin Cowherd

Colin Cowherd fashion misfortune

Polka dotted tie on a checkered shirt? What is this, amateur hour? This is akin to putting Skittles on a hot dog, as it makes NO sense.

Helpful Hint: FOX needs to install a fashion security checkpoint, just like they have at the airport. Had Cowherd walked through such a thing this past Sunday, thousands of tireless sirens would’ve gone off until proper adjustments were made.

*****

Some Extremely Confused Fan

No. The answer is NO.

Helpful Hint: If your allegiances are truly divided, find another way to divide them.

*****

Randy Moss

Randy Moss fashion

Is it possible Randy Moss somehow color-coordinated his suit with the Panthers graphic that appear beneath him? That’s some next level shit right there.

Helpful Hint: Nothing to see here. Run along now.

*****

More Cowboys Fans

Cowboys fan in full uniform helmet and cleats

The Dallas Cowboys are done playing football for quite some time, so you’re getting a double dose this week. Trust me, a grown man wearing a full Cowboys alternate uni while holding an official team helmet is absolutely worth it. And yes, that includes CLEATS, too.

Helpful Hint: Slow dance with a tackling dummy for the next seven months until training camp begins.

*****

Dave Wannstedt

Dave Wannstedt Dennis Farina

It’s nice to see Dave Wannstedt paying homage to the Pitt Panthers color scheme despite his lone highlight while coaching there being a win at the highly touted, Meineke Car Care Bowl.

Helpful Hint: Any role that was written for the late Dennis Farina should be handed to Dave Wannstedt. He’s a natural and more than capable of pulling it off.

*****

Mike Zimmer

Vikings coach Mike Zimmer is in dire need of a refresher course on general public decency before we can even broach the fashion equation.

Helpful Hint: You do this kind of thing when you’re down 20-3, not up 20-3.

*****

Kevin Durant

https://twitter.com/234evercom/status/683868295896920065

Kevin Durant is slowly Russell Westbrook’ing. In two weeks, the white undershirt will be gone, the black shirt will be down to his knees, and the pants will be fluorescent yellow. He also might be on roller skates.

Helpful Hint: Do a full 180 flip and start dressing exactly like Jim Harbaugh. Could be an interesting social experiment to see if it actually resonates with young fans.

*****

Showstopper Of the Week: Bob Costas

This is from just over a week ago, but through this tweet it has come to our attention that Bob Costas still uses a flip phone. And believe it or not, your phone says a lot about your sense of fashion. Yet for an uppity guy who routinely pronounces Peyton MAN-ning as Peyton MON-ning, he remains a man of the people when it comes to cell phone needs.

What does this tell us, exactly? It tells us that we haven’t come close to figuring out the fascinating enigma that is Bob Costas.

Previous installments of this weekly feature from Tim Ryan can be found right here.

About Tim Ryan

Freelance Writer, Editor, Humorist, and Fashion Critic. Currently in heated negotiations over the rights to Jack Sikma's striking perm and an authentic mold of Chris Sabo's goggles.

View all posts by Tim Ryan