No one knows if the Aaron Rodgers-New York Jets marriage is going to work or how long it will last. According to DraftKings, the Jets have the sixth-best odds to win the Super Bowl. No matter what happens, it certainly won’t be dull.
Let’s predict the best-case and worst-case scenarios for Rodgers and the Jets.
Rodgers’ first year with a new team looks like Tom Brady’s and Matthew Stafford’s. Everything jells perfectly as young skill position players Breece Hall and Garrett Wilson no longer feel like their playing in a storage closet. Rodgers reverts to MVP form thanks to wide receivers who understand the playbook and can consistently get open. New York’s suspect offensive line doesn’t put Rodgers in hospice care. And much-maligned offensive coordinator Nathaniel Hackett is a genius again after having his career sabotaged by Mr. Unlimited.
The Jets dominate the AFC East and quickly establish themselves as a championship threat. Rodgers becomes the toast of New York City, receiving a standing ovation every time he attends a Knicks or Rangers game. The supposedly tough NYC media fawns over him, using words like “misunderstood” and “eccentric.” The New York Post attributes Rodgers’ struggles in Green Bay last year to the wokeness of Packers management.
Rodgers becomes so popular that he gets to ring the opening bell at the New York Stock Exchange after every victory. Mayor Eric Adams names a street after Rodgers when the Jets reach the Super Bowl for the first time since the 1968 season.
Meanwhile, Jordan Love looks like the second coming of Anthony Dilweg. He’s booed at Lambeau Field. He’s booed by his DoorDash delivery driver. He’s booed while helping an old lady cross the street. The Packers play so poorly that they consider tanking for Caleb Williams. Love spends the off-season in a darkness retreat never to be heard from again.
Rodgers’ first year with a new team looks like Russell Wilson’s. His paper-mache offensive line disintegrates with the slightest breeze of pressure while rookie Broderick Jones performs like a future Hall of Famer at left tackle for the Pittsburgh Steelers (cue Bill Belichick cackle).
The Jets’ receivers woefully underperform, prompting Rodgers to demand that management sign Jordy Nelson, James Jones, and Jermichael Finley. Rodgers plays like a near-40-year-old because every 40-year-old quarterback not named Tom Brady ages terribly at that position. To cope, Rodgers ups his dosage of ayahuasca to five times a week. But it’s too late.
Rodgers responds to adversity by going on The Pat McAfee Show and passive-aggressively points the finger at everyone else. When that strategy fails, he ghosts McAfee and starts a podcast with Kyrie Irving, where they discuss the merits of not taking accountability and spew wild vaccine conspiracy theories. McAfee retaliates by having on a different member of Rodgers’ estranged family every week.
After failing to make the playoffs for the second straight season, Rodgers asks Brett Favre for housing recommendations in Minneapolis. But ultimately, he returns to another darkness retreat never to be heard from again.
Meanwhile, Love receives a standing ovation at a Milwaukee Bucks game for leading the Packers back to the postseason. He sits courtside suspiciously close to Shailene Woodley and Jake from State Farm.
Melo, Kiyan, Aaron Rodgers, & Sauce Gardner in The Garden 🗽🔥 pic.twitter.com/Oi5GPWUvsq— NBA on TNT (@NBAonTNT) May 3, 2023