Does anyone around here know what's going on?
Upsets, wild finishes and insanity reigned.
And that's why no matter how long this column is every week, the NFL is always The Best.
There are missed field goals every week that cost teams games. Nothing compares to this.
Hat tip to the Sporting News for the GIF.
If this was any other quarterback, this would be hilarious, but the fact that it was Phil Rivers kicking the ball raises it to its own level of delicious. As @TitansMCM put it after an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty against Rivers:
I had forgotten how much I hated Philip Rivers. Thanks for those 15, buddy
— TitansMCM (@TitansMCM) September 22, 2013
Everyone hates Phil Rivers. That's just how it is. If you don't know why, here's a hint.
The Worst Coach
Jim Harbaugh is one of my personal heroes and one of the best coaches in the NFL.
He did not have a good week.
First, his handling of the Aldon Smith debacle left something to be desired. Smith was found spinning his tires, drunk behind the wheel of a car, and Monday entered rehab.
Between his arrest and his trip to get treatment for substance abuse, he played in an NFL game. Needless to say, he did not play well.
While there were certain CBA-related factors that limited the 49ers' options, that's not what gets ol' Captain Comeback #TheWorst moniker this week. No, that applies strictly to his game plan.
Frank Gore opened the game against Indianapolis with four carries for 61 yards. He finished the game with just 11 carries for 82 yards. Overall, the 49ers completely abandoned the run after the first quarter, despite ramming the ball down Indy's throat early. With the game still in doubt until the final minutes of the game, Gore got just four touches in the second half.
San Francisco finished the game at 5.0 yards per carry, but only put up 7 points. After the game, Gore and Harbaugh exchanged words. I'm sure at least one of them was "worst".
Honorable mention in this always illustrious category goes to Mike McCoy for his awful decision to hand the ball back to Tennessee after three runs late in a heart-breaker. Play to win there, coach.
The Worst Player
This week's Blaine Gabbert Memorial Award goes to a player so bad, he has twice lost the starting quarterback job to Blaine Gabbert.
Yes, Chad Henne is so terrible that he has managed to make Jaguars fans "glad" Gabbert is returning under center to take on the Colts.
Set aside the final numbers for a moment, and stare in awe at how Henne started Sunday's blowout loss to Seattle.
Fumble, 5 yards on 3rd-and-13, incomplete, incomplete, sack, incomplete, 5 yards, sack, 6 yards, two more incomplete passes, 13 yards, two more incomplete passes, 15 yards, incomplete, INT.
His first half included a fumble, two sacks, a pick and a 4-of-14 for 44 yards.
And then, there's this.
That's Gabbertian. That's more Gabbertian than Gabbert.
How bad is the NFC East?
Apparently no one in the division can beat anyone not in the division.
The NFL's worst division features two winless teams, and a total of three victories on the year, two of which came at the expense of the NFC East.
The NFC East is a combined 1-7 against the rest of the NFL and has been outscored by 71 points on the year.
Yeah, that about sums up the division. I think we can safely say a sign has been given.
Worst Use of a Throwing Shoulder
Come on, Jay. That's awesome, but geeze. You use that shoulder.
Actually, I take it back. Worst Uuse of a Throwing Shoulder still goes to Chad Henne.
There were bigger blowouts, but the Ravens awkward 30-9 beatdown of Houston was hard to watch. Both teams took turns dominating the other, but not in a cool Green Bay-Cincinnati kind of way.
Matt Schaub of the Texans spent the entire second half checking down for five yard throws. The Texans couldn't seem to figure out they were trailing right up until the clock ran out and they had lost by three touchdowns. He completed 71 percent of his passes, but for just 5.5 yards a throw. Ugh.
Schaub and Joe Flacco are not bad quarterbacks, but they aren't good either. The two quarterbacks combined for just 365 yards passing and no touchdowns. It was like a clash of the distinctly mediocre Titans. Actually, that's not fair to the Titans who managed to play an entertaining game.
For all the star power in the game, and the fact that they were two of the AFC's best teams in 2012, the end result was painful for all involved.
Baltimore got a win they desperately needed, and Houston was due to lose after two crazy comebacks in a row, but if those two teams never hook up again, I won't be sad.
With apologies to the Chiefs, Colts and Bengals, the best win of the week goes to Miami for their thrilling come-from-behind victory over the Falcons to move them to 3-0. I'll admit that I didn't think much of the Dolphins after seeing them up close, but they've opened the year with two road wins and an impressive home victory. That's a strong start.
Because it gets boring to just type "Peyton Manning" every week, best player goes to Ahmad Bradshaw of Indianapolis for his bruising 95 yards and a score against San Francisco. In what was a huge win for Indianapolis, Bradshaw's star shone brightest.
The best play of the week goes to Jake Locker for this fantastic game-winner against the Chargers.