On an edition of the Yahoo MLB podcast released Tuesday, Tim Brown quizzed Arizona Diamondbacks reliever Archie Bradley on a number of subjects, including his famous triple in last fall’s NL wild-card game, playing football, how players balance fun against unwritten rules, aliens and more.
But the response that really caught our eye followed a question from Brown about Bradley’s friend and fellow MLB reliever Adrian Houser, who entered a game for the Milwaukee Brewers last week and promptly vomited on the mound twice. Brown wondered about the most “memorably awkward” moment Bradley had experienced on the diamond, and the 25-year-old did not disappoint.
Here’s Bradley’s response, in full:
It wasn’t as bad as it could have been—I’ll just tell it. It was actually this year. I was warming up to go into a game, and I knew I had the next hitter. I knew he was on deck. And the at-bat was kind of taking a bit, and as a bullpen guy in these big situations, I call them “nervous pees,” where I don’t have to pee a lot, but I know I have to pee before I go in the game. I can’t believe I’m telling you this.
So, it’s a 2-2 count, and I’m like “Man, I have to pee. I have to go pee.” So I run in our bathroom really quick, I’m ready to go, and I’m trying to pee, and I actually shit my pants. Like, right before I’m about to go in the game, I pooped my pants. And I’m like, “Oh my gosh.” I know I’m a pitch away from going in the game, so I’m scrambling to clean myself up. I clean it up the best I can, button my pants up, and our bullpen coach Mike Fetters says “Hey, you’re in the game.” So I’m jogging into the game to pitch with poop in my pants, essentially.
Brown then asked whether Bradley “looked to see if it was showing,” prompting Bradley to elaborate:
Yes I did. I checked the mirror. White pants, we’re at home. And I actually told my teammates, I stepped out of the bathroom, and I was like “Hey, am I OK? I just shit myself?” I’m about to go into this game. And they didn’t believe me until they, unfortunately, saw the mess in the bathroom because I didn’t have time. I was like “I’ve gotta go in the game.” So it was the most uncomfortable I’ve ever been on the mound.
And I actually had a good inning, I had a clean inning, and I walked into the dugout and said “Guys, I just shit myself before.” They didn’t believe me, and then the bullpen came in and said “Oh my god, you have to see this.”
The podcast’s description on iTunes mentions “one story we’re sure is going to make the rounds in the baseball blogosphere.” This would definitely be it.
As Brown points out, it seems as though many baseball players have stories like this one. In fact, Archie Bradley has absolutely nothing on George Brett.
Houser’s incident and Bradley’s story could make for an interesting game of would-you-rather. Is it better to vomit on the mound, in full view of everyone in attendance as well as all television cameras, or sully yourself in the privacy of the bullpen bathroom but have to pitch with the fallout still in your pants? These are the important questions.