It’s officially the dark period of the NFL offseason, because we’re beginning to pull silly ideas like these out of our asses. Thirty years ago, this blog post wouldn’t have existed, mainly because blogs weren’t a thing but also because corporate naming rights have ruined stadium names.
And because those rights are fluid in a lot of cities, expect this list to change in the years to come. So here’s our first edition of a rather stupid offseason theme.
1. Lambeau Field: When a venue is named after a bad ass like Curly Lambeau, it’s hard to hate.
2. Soldier Field: It serves as a memorial to American soldiers who have died. Can’t lose there.
3. Arrowhead Stadium: It complements the Chiefs name well.
4. Ralph Wilson Stadium: Old school and beautiful. Never change.
5. Paul Brown Stadium: See Ralph Wilson Stadium.
6. Ford Field: Yeah, it’s technically a corporate sponsor, but Ford is a Detroit institution and the Ford family owns the franchise. Respect.
7. Georgia Dome: Nice tip of the cap to the state, which certainly provided some funding. Too bad it’s going to be gone soon.
8. Lincoln Financial Field: Only reason it’s cool is everybody calls it “The Link.”
Names that aren’t good but not terrible
9. Mercedes-Benz Superdome: It was obviously cooler before they added Mercedes, but that’s not an awful sponsor.
10. Qualcomm Stadium: It’s been named this long enough that you forget it’s a sponsor.
11. NRG Stadium: Didn’t even know they made a change in Houston, but this is cooler than Reliant Stadium.
12. LP Field: Nobody knows what LP is so it’s all good. Plus, it’s better than Adelphia Coliseum.
13. FedEx Field: Big-time company that gives the connotation of speed and delivery.
14. CenturyLink Field: Saved by “The Clink.”
15. Raymond James Stadium: Doesn’t have a corporate sound to it, which saves it.
16. AT&T Stadium: Sad to see the Cowboys sell out here because their brand is so valuable.
17. MetLife Stadium: Life insurance isn’t cool, but it has an OK ring to it.
18. Sun Life Stadium: More insurance? Ugh. But at least it has “sun” in the name and is in the Sunshine State.
19. Bank of America Stadium: This might be the most generic stadium name in the NFL.
20. EverBank Field: This might be the most second-most generic stadium name in the NFL.
21. FirstEnergy Stadium: That’s a shame for Cleveland. Can’t do much to shorten this one.
22. TCF Bank Stadium: At least it’s temporary. The Metrodome was much better though.
23. Gillette Stadium: We’ve become desensitized to it, but deodorant? C’mon!
24. Levi’s Stadium: Jeans. And not even cool jeans.
25. Edward Jones Dome: Do they call it the EJ Dome? Because they should.
26. Heinz Field: A big mustard-looking stadium named for ketchup.
27. Lucas Oil Stadium: The word “oil” can’t be in your name. Sorry.
Names that should embarrass the NFL
28. Sports Authority Field at Mile High: I get why they wanted to keep the “Mile High” in there, but this is just too much.
29. M&T Bank Stadium: Anything with the word “bank” in it sucks, especially when ampersands are involved.
30. O.co Coliseum: At least there are no “.com” names in the NFL, but anything with a dot in it can screw right off. This is essentially Overstock.com Coliseum, which hurts my ears and my soul.
31. University of Phoenix Stadium: This wouldn’t be bad if the University of Phoenix had a football team or an actual physical location.