Some 2016 Olympic gold-medal-winning gymnasts got into a feud Friday. RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL – AUGUST 09: (L to R) Gold medalists Alexandra Raisman, Madison Kocian, Lauren Hernandez, Gabrielle Douglas and Simone Biles of the United States pose for photographs with their medals after the medal ceremony for the Artistic Gymnastics Women’s Team on Day 4 of the Rio 2016 Olympic Games at the Rio Olympic Arena on August 9, 2016 in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. (Photo by Laurence Griffiths/Getty Images)
OlympicsThe Cheat SheetBy Jay Rigdon on

Folks, we’re getting somewhere on the sports calendar.

And that’s excellent. And though NBC’s coverage has been, well, disappointing (especially as someone who lives in the Mountain time zone, and therefore is not able to watch or stream “live” events), at least we have sports happening.

A big night for Team USA, starting with the gymnasts

RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL - AUGUST 09: Simone Biles of the United States competes on the balance beam during the Artistic Gymnastics Women's Team Final on Day 4 of the Rio 2016 Olympic Games at the Rio Olympic Arena on August 9, 2016 in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. (Photo by Laurence Griffiths/Getty Images)
RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL – AUGUST 09: Simone Biles of the United States competes on the balance beam during the Artistic Gymnastics Women’s Team Final on Day 4 of the Rio 2016 Olympic Games at the Rio Olympic Arena on August 9, 2016 in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. (Photo by Laurence Griffiths/Getty Images)

This is a fantastic team. Simone Biles, Aly Raisman, Laurie Hernandez, Gabby Douglas, and Madison Kocian straight took it to the rest of the world last night, and it was awesome. Calling themselves the “Final 5”, a reference to the fact that they’re the final team coached by legendary (though controversial) USA Gymnastics coach Martha Karolyi, they dominated en route to a gold medal in team competition. (It’s still dumb to give yourselves a nickname, though.)

Seriously, just check out the beginning of Raisman’s floor routine:

https://twitter.com/icehockeystick/status/763217703255568384

I’ve watched that loop about 100 times and I could not tell you how many times she flipped in that one pass. A few other highlights, starting with Maddie Kocian nailing an uneven bar routine:

Simone Biles owns her floor routine:

I’d embed a lot more videos, but NBC doesn’t want you to be able to watch any of it. Suffice to say, this is just a fantastic team, and they’ll likely rack up more medals in the individual events and the all-around competition in the coming days. Congrats, ladies.

Oh, and here’s Bob Costas injecting some much needed male perspective:

https://twitter.com/GoddessHighHeat/status/763224871530737665

Thanks for stopping by, Bob.

To the pool!

Ledecky, Phelps, and more dominate in the pool

RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL - AUGUST 09: Gold medalist Katie Ledecky of the United States poses on the podium during the medal ceremony for the Women's 200m Freestyle Final on Day 4 of the Rio 2016 Olympic Games at the Olympic Aquatics Stadium on August 9, 2016 in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. (Photo by Adam Pretty/Getty Images)
RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL – AUGUST 09: Gold medalist Katie Ledecky of the United States poses on the podium during the medal ceremony for the Women’s 200m Freestyle Final on Day 4 of the Rio 2016 Olympic Games at the Olympic Aquatics Stadium on August 9, 2016 in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. (Photo by Adam Pretty/Getty Images)

Katie Ledecky took home gold in the 200m freestyle, while Michael Phelps avenged his 2012 loss in the 200m butterfly and also picked up gold as part of the 4x200m freestyle team. Now, I know you’re likely here for the hard-hitting swimming analysis you’re expecting me to bring to the table, but here’s the thing: I hate swimming. Not as in watching, but as in doing. I had to do a triathlon in 9th grade gym, and I sat out just about every day of practice. I was, and likely still am, an incredibly poor swimmer. I wouldn’t know, as I haven’t gotten in a pool since that day. At this point it’s more a form of protest than anything else.

So! The swimming!

The USA did well!

Phelps handled his opponent easily, and it’s fair to wonder whether Le Clos just melted under the scrutiny of the moment, as he finished out of the medals. Of course, it’s also fair to wonder whether he just melted after being on the receiving end of Phelps’s amazing stare.

Phelps went on to win gold in the 4×200 freestyle relay as well, despite a wardrobe malfunction right before he was to enter the pool:

https://twitter.com/_MarcusD_/status/763205661781921793

He may have been a little jacked up for the race.

Members of the USA basketball team were in the house:

Should have put Phelps on the roster over Harrison Barnes.

Here’s Durant and DeAndre Jordan bouncing up and down like kids when Phelps won his 21st gold:

https://vine.co/v/5b5PXgtupbJ

Here’s the updated medal count:

How about Hungary, huh? Look at that.

There will be more Olympic things today.

Quick Hits

train-hits-derailed-bar

 

-Listen, a train derailment is never, on its own, comical. (Unless you just really hate Thomas the Tank Engine.) But when a train derails in Iowa and collides with a bar named “DeRailed” that’s just golden. Especially and only since no one was hurt.

-The USA handball coach says LeBron could be the best player in the world in six months. Coincidentally, I haven’t played team handball since 9th grade gym either, and I was awesome at that. It felt like a combination of baseball and basketball, with a bit of “soccer but you use your hands” thrown in, and I’d love to be playing it right now.

-Yasiel Puig did a thing on Snapchat that people got mad about because, well, there’s a certain kind of person that is going to hear about Puig doing anything related to social media and lose his or her mind.

-Hope Solo struggled as the USWNT drew Columbia 2-2. They’re still alive and favored, but they’ll obviously need to tighten things up.

-The water in the Olympic diving pool turned green, somehow. There’s no explanation, as of yet. But take a look, that’s a green pool.

Green pool water

 

-David Ortiz bobblehead day was canceled after the bobbleheads came out looking like Todd’s giant papier-mache Todd-head from BoJack Horseman:

David Ortizbojack

 

Well, maybe not exactly like it, but there’s a common thread of a terrifying result of a failed attempt at capturing a likeness.

-Important:

https://twitter.com/trillballins/status/763192745712349185

-A French fencer’s phone fell out of his uniform in competition. Like, why would you have your phone on you? I don’t even like to have stuff in my pockets while I play against my brother in ping-pong.

–Luke Cage debuted a full trailer for the upcoming Netflix series, and it looks pretty awesome.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytkjQvSk2VA

A fake news headline I wish was real

Area Parents Refer To Daughter’s Successful Blogging Career As A “Phase”

One last glorious bit of procrastination

I can’t stop watching this little girl own these bedroom monkey bars. My god, I’ve never been that agile. If I went to a playground right now I’m not sure I could complete a set.

Dad makes indoor monkey-bars set for daughter

 

About Jay Rigdon

Jay is a columnist at Awful Announcing. He is not a strong swimmer. He is probably talking to a dog in a silly voice at this very moment.

View all posts by Jay Rigdon