INVERNESS, SCOTLAND – JULY 09: Phil Mickelson of the United States shakes hands with Henrik Stenson of Sweden on the 18th green during the third round of the AAM Scottish Open at Castle Stuart Golf Links on July 9, 2016 in Inverness, Scotland. (Photo by Andrew Redington/Getty Images)
The Cheat SheetBy Jay Rigdon on

Welcome to Monday!

A day so clearly the worst day of the week that no one will ever contradict you. (Though, honestly, I could see that being the next hipster thing. “Oh, I’m actually into Monday now, you just have to appreciate it. Everyone’s into the weekend. I’m so over it. No, not The Weeknd, the weekend. I still love The Weeknd.” It’s all very confusing in hipster-land.)

Henrik Stenson wins his first major with record-tying 63

TROON, SCOTLAND - JULY 17: Henrik Stenson of Sweden and Phil Mickelson of the United States look thoughtful as they wait on the 12th tee during the final round on day four of the 145th Open Championship at Royal Troon on July 17, 2016 in Troon, Scotland. (Photo by Stuart Franklin/Getty Images)
TROON, SCOTLAND – JULY 17: Henrik Stenson of Sweden and Phil Mickelson of the United States look thoughtful as they wait on the 12th tee during the final round on day four of the 145th Open Championship at Royal Troon on July 17, 2016 in Troon, Scotland. (Photo by Stuart Franklin/Getty Images)

Henrik Stenson fired a beautiful 8-under 63 on Sunday, holding off Phil Mickelson who carded a bogey-free 65 and still lost by three shots. Stenson made ten (!) birdies on his round, and drained some absolutely monster putts. Including this one from late in the round:

When those are dropping, it’s just your day. Mickelson put up a valiant effort, and the lead was exchanged multiple times, only for Stenson to pull away late, finishing with yet another birdie on 18 to equal Phil’s Thursday 63. Had Mickelson won, he’d have needed to shoot 62, the lowest score in major championship history. It was yet another close call in a major for Phil:

Though this time, it wasn’t his fault:

And if you’re a golf fan, good news: the PGA Championship is in two weekends, thanks to the compressed schedule forced by the Olympics adding golf. So the PGA, the Olympics, the FedEx Cup, and the Ryder Cup are all coming up soon.

If you’re not a fan of golf, of course, none of this has applied to you so far. For that I apologize.

Roundup of the weekend’s Pokemon madness

It’s really shocking how quickly this has taken over daily life. Walking downtown in Denver on Friday night, in twenty minutes I passed about a dozen groups of people out hunting Pokemon. It’s a fascinating return to prominence for the game.

As per the norm lately, this weekend brought about a new slate of Pokemon related stories. There have been more injuries and crimes popping up related to the game, though it’s important to remember that these things happened long before Pokemon Go was a thing, and will continue to occur long after we’ve moved on to the next craze, whatever that is. (Interstate MarioKart, or real-life NBA Jam, which might just be the Warriors next season.)

More specifically, a Florida man (of course) shot at players who were outside his home. Johnny Manziel was spotted playing the game at a party. A man with an active warrant ended up at a police station via the game. And, of course, my favorite sight of the weekend, when a Vaporeon apparently materialized in Central Park, causing mass chaos:

https://twitter.com/MrNobre/status/754144048529625088

Has anyone considered that maybe, just maybe, it’s the Pokemon who are catching us? Let that one sink in a bit.

Quick(er than usual) hits

Fairly light weekend, but I enjoyed these stories:

-Stephen Colbert is doing his Late Show from the Republican National Convention this week, and last night he “hijacked” the stage and proclaimed the start of the Hunger Games:

-The Pirates and Nats played an 18-inning affair, and one young fan basically ran the gamut of life’s emotions on camera:

https://vine.co/v/5ZAPwbMBDYM

-Speaking of the length of baseball, the new CBA might include a reduced number of regular season games.

-Purdue’s Matt Painter received a contract extension. He’s a solid coach, and Purdue has had some recruiting wins in recent years, including landing coveted Caleb Swanigan last year.

-Weird baseball injury alert: Cleveland reliever Tommy Hunter injured his back while holding his child.

-The rare walk-off balk!

-Former Lions running back Jahvid Best qualified for the Olympics in the 100m.

-AHH new Guardians of the Galaxy info!!! (Needs more Groot.)

-Might Apple buy Formula One? It makes more sense than it seems on the surface, though it’d still be a weird marriage.

-Related to Apple, every episode of The Simpsons is now available through AppleTV.

Fake news headline I wish was real

Indiana Governor and Republican VP Nominee Visits NYC, Samples Culture at Chili’s

(Oh, wait a minute…)

This does relate to a previous fake headline used here:

Report: Your Parents Really Enjoy Chain Restaurants

(Especially if your parents are Mr. and Mrs. Pence.)

One Last Breath of Gratuitous Procrastination

This guy HAS to blast “The Final Countdown” during his performances, right? He has to.

View post on imgur.com

 

About Jay Rigdon

Jay is a columnist at Awful Announcing. He is not a strong swimmer. He is probably talking to a dog in a silly voice at this very moment.

View all posts by Jay Rigdon